Dear Nordstrom's Half-Yearly Sale,

I am coming for you. In a brief 33 minutes, I will be leaving work to meet you for our lunchtime rendezvous. I know you will have many admirers knocking at your door in the next few days, but I greatly anticipate the few minutes you will be able to devote to me. I'm especially excited to see what surprises you have waiting for me in your shoe department. And if you treat me right, I might even take a stroll through your lingerie department...!

Wait for me, lover.

Credit card at the ready,

PS I am bringing a coworker with me. How do you feel about a threesome?

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