Number 6 is by far my favorite.

Dear self from Saturday night,

You will not be allowed in the community when drinking. Saturday night is a haze but I do remember the following happening:
1. Lo and I head to the bar to fuck with tourists.
2. I decide to prove that I can out drink a former football player.
3. 6 shots of pure 151 later, I announce that I will sleep with anyone of the guys at the table if they can produce a Huey Lewis and the News CD from their rental car.
4. 8 shots and two beers (to settle my raging stomach) later, I declare blow jobs for anyone who can solve my "Math" equations.
5. Lo leaves with one of the guys
6. I continue to drink and make up math problems that are unsolvable while watching 24 year old horny guys try to apply geometrical proofs to my illogical equations. ie If a=d what is c? Solve using the transitive property. WTF?
7. I wake up at my friend Dan's house on Sunday when Lo calls to ask me to come pick her up from some "Hairy Man's house".
In the spirit of friendship, Dan offered to ground me so that I don't repeat this any time soon.
In turn, I have decided to break up with myself as my behavior deserves a much harsher punishment.

Staying home this Saturday night to clean my baseboards with a Magic Eraser,
JC