Um, this is why I love my blog.

Dear guy who slept over last night and couldnt get hard so he felt like he needed to redeem himself by masturbating in my bed for 45 minutes this morning saying "its going to happen!" while I watched Barefoot Contessa on my couch and tried not to stare in horror until he finally left,

SERIOUSLY!!! Holy shit, are you even a human?

Boiling my sheets in acid,
F