Dear The Bradley's,
We don't know who you are or where you've gone, but we've seen lots of pictures around your house because we've been inhabiting it for the past 3 days. The funny thing is, neither one of has ever met or talked to any of you, yet, we've settled in quite nicely. Our friend who is 'house-sitting' for you, has decided it is not necessary for her to be here, but instead intrusting total strangers with all your worldly goods, including two dogs and one cat. Sidebar, one of those little shits puked on the couch yesterday while we sat around watching your cable television and snacking on your food for 6 hours straight (why would we leave when we have a perfectly nice house to lounge in?). We were nice enough to take care of that. Anyway, it's amazing that we've made ourselves quite at home in your abode, completely forgetting that this is not where we live, and there is a clan of people we will never know whom this belongs to.
Your Sheets Are Soft,
Adrienne & Gretchen
P.S. You have no idea we're here. I hope your neighbors don't give us up.