Dear Dime Piece Guy In My Yoga Class Today,

Um hi. Can I touch you? Can I touch you all over?

Thank you, sir, for giving me something godlike to stare at for the entirity of our 90 minute class. I don't know who you are or where you've come from but I'm drawn to you to the point where if I get drunk enough tonight, I may write you a 'missed connection' on craigslist. Looks like you've given me a permanent class time to attend. Thanks, I was having trouble deciding. I don't know your name, but I have a major crush on you. Thank heavens above we both believe in doing our class in a 100 degree room, because you made the experience of eyefucking you all the better when you started dripping sweat out of every pore. Listen, you're really good at yoga and I could really use a tutor. Maybe we could meet somewhere and you could help me practices my positions. Somewhere like my bed.

Help Me Work On My Flexibility, I'll Help You Work On Your Stamina,
A