Dear House of Pain,

Thank you for writing the classic ditty "Jump Around" so that I could rap the shit out of it to my small group of adoring friends last night. It was truly my moment to shine. My friends, however, don't think that much of you, but maybe that's because the karaoke programming device labeled only in Korean played the song two more times in rapid succession. Oops.

At Least I Was Shithot (All Three Times),

Claire