Dear Victoria Beckham,

I want to personally welcome you to the United States of America. I can't get enough of you. You and your husband are a portrait of sexual perfection and I would love to be a fly on the wall in your bedroom. You come off as a cold, well-dressed, unapproachable robot but I feel like this is all part of your appeal and I am intrigued. I don't know if it's your impeccable style or your cutting-edge hair, but you almost turn me on more than your chiseled, ball kicking husband. (I said almost; let's still be real here). I sometimes forget that you were once a Spice Girl, and I'm sorry for even mentioning that now as I feel that it seriously diminishes your perfection. I'm looking forward to daily gossip reports of your goings-on in L.A. and I will undoubtedly be coveting your life from all the way over here on the east coast.

You are the epitome of a girl crush,

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