Dear 14 Yr Old Boy Who Sat Next To Me At The Movies,

I knew you were a fat pig when i was watching you walk into the cinema sucking on your giant coke and digging your face into that giant box on popcorn while you were trying to find a seat all at the same time, but never did i think you would sit that big ass of yours next to me. So seeing as you did sit next to me here a few rules when you go to the movies:

1) When you purchase an extra large coke and popcorn wait until you sit down until you consume them.
2))DO NOT pick up popcorn with your tongue ewww.
3) Learn how to chew with your mouth closed.
4) NEVER have a sip of your coke and wash it around your mouth like your brushing your teeth.
5) If there is no sound in the cinema DO NOT rummage your hands around the box trying to get the biggest handful of popcorn you think you can fit in your mouth.
6) Once you have finished dont ever crack your neck, knuckles, ank'es, knees or any other bone in your body especially when you are less then an arms length away from me.
The list is endless Thank you for ruining the movie for me. Get some fucking manners.

Hating you forever,
CPD