Dear 5K Walkers,

We're all impressed with your massive endeavor. I'm not trying to sell you short, but the least you can do is start with your fellow walkers. You don't belong with the runners. DO NOT line up with me only to start the first 15 meters of the race at a leisurely pace leaving me weaving behind you and your gang desperately trying to get through so I can add a slight bounce to my step freely. By no means are you doing 9 minute miles, so you're not fooling anyone by trying to line up in this coral. In the future, please report your butt back to the group several hundreds of people back with the other jazzercisers and people with strollers.

See, I know I'm not a fast runner. You don't see me lining up with the Kenyans. I'm honest with myself. I try to approximate where I will fit best and casually place myself within those lines. You should learn to do the same. What you were trying to pull is like Paris Hilton applying to Yale.

I'm sorry, I know we were all in this for a good cause, but I wanted to kick and punch you today when I couldn't even jog for the first minute past the start line because you were clogging the road.

A