Dear Crazy Boss,

Just so you know, I did not enjoy the staff meeting where you blamed the constant stench of alcohol coming from your office for the past 4 months, not to mention your ridiculous behavior, on your blood pressure medication. You're not fooling me - I'm 24, I know what vodka smells like. Also, please don't come back to work after long, unexplained absences and get mad because I don't have my projects done. They're not done because you weren't there to guide me. Oh, and my pseudo-boss, the one you hired to be your "right hand man"...he's a d-bag. No one knows what he does all day. Plus he smells, quite literally, like feet. Yesterday, when you were gone, he left the office, then changed clothes and came back wearing pleated khaki shorts and mandals. In no way is that ever appropriate. Anyway, please start making better decisions ASAP.

Cheers,
L