Dear Cellphone With Dinosaur Stickers,

Thanks for leaping from my hand last night and plunging to the bottom
of two flights of stairs. I am sad to report your death/suicide to my
friends and family via facebook. Also: props to that triple-axle you
did mid-air before careening into the floor.

We didn't need the dramatics. You could've just stopped working, man.

I will miss you,
cj