Dear Cellphone With Dinosaur Stickers,
Thanks for leaping from my hand last night and plunging to the bottom
of two flights of stairs. I am sad to report your death/suicide to my
friends and family via facebook. Also: props to that triple-axle you
did mid-air before careening into the floor.
We didn't need the dramatics. You could've just stopped working, man.
I will miss you,