Dear The Other Young Co-Worker In My Office,
Please stop making me look bad. You are like my doppelgaenger, but also SO different from me in so many ways. You are young and cute and a girl (check, check, check), but you also just moved in with your boyfriend, have completed two years of Intensive Finance Something-Or-Other Training and are now working in Investments (???) while I sit at the front desk looking pretty. You and your bf spend your Monday nights cooking dinner together and go to bed at 9pm to wake up early to go running -- I spend my Monday nights blowing lines in the bathroom of a bar and my Tuesday mornings trying not to puke in the work bathrooms.
Then there's the Office Holiday Party: you network the shit out of that function, mingling with all the old people and introducing them to your bf whom they all love (OF COURSE) bc he is an ex-frat boy also working in Investments (???) and is now going to run a leg of the Real Estate Games relay race the company holds in Nantucket every summer (WTF??). Meanwhile, I am in the corner with my roommate gettin shitty off of free Jack and Cokes and talking trash about my entire office.
Guess Who's Probably Not Invited To Nantucket?,