Dear Slut Who Inhabited My Body Saturday Night,

I know that he is cute and smart. I too am attracted to his humor and charm. But I must ask where you came from on Saturday. I'll admit in my 29 years, I have participated in some sketchy activities while nude with a guy. But sex in a porn booth? Have you no fear of rouge diseases that may be air born in these types of joints? What if someone had seen you entering or exiting this establishment? Where you not concerned that all the other patrons looked like men from To Catch a Predator? And no, drinking all day while Christmas shopping with above mentioned cute boy is not an excuse for this type of behavior.

In the future please alert me in advance when you plan to make a guest appearance in my sex life so I can at least wear a skirt,
me