Dear High School Acquaintance,

You are one of those people who tends to parade your love for your girlfriend around on facebook -- with the photo albums, status updates, countdowns (blech), etc... and while I find this superbly annoying, I'm also kind of drawn to this crazy couple-y behavior because it is so ridiculous to me. It's kind of like watching some carnie freak -- I am both simultaneously horrified and unable to look away. But now, thanks to facebook, I find out that you just got ENGAGED?!?! WTF. You are a year YOUNGER than me. I have a serious aversion to even the thought of being in a grown-up, committed relationship. Seeing people who are a couple of years older than me getting married/starting families was already enough to give me panic attacks, but you?! Are you even out of college yet? Are you EVEN 21?! You and your gf are mad cute, I will admit, but don't hate me when I start taking bets for how long the marriage is gonna last. Just sayin'.

Hope She's Not Preggo,

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