Dear High School Acquaintance,
You are one of those people who tends to parade your love for your girlfriend around on facebook -- with the photo albums, status updates, countdowns (blech), etc... and while I find this superbly annoying, I'm also kind of drawn to this crazy couple-y behavior because it is so ridiculous to me. It's kind of like watching some carnie freak -- I am both simultaneously horrified and unable to look away. But now, thanks to facebook, I find out that you just got ENGAGED?!?! WTF. You are a year YOUNGER than me. I have a serious aversion to even the thought of being in a grown-up, committed relationship. Seeing people who are a couple of years older than me getting married/starting families was already enough to give me panic attacks, but you?! Are you even out of college yet? Are you EVEN 21?! Sick.me.out. You and your gf are mad cute, I will admit, but don't hate me when I start taking bets for how long the marriage is gonna last. Just sayin'.
Hope She's Not Preggo,