Dear Fate,

You sure threw me a ringer on Monday night. Just when things are going my way you decide to test me, you tricksy bitch.

I go to Boots to buy some condoms because for the first time in seriously about a trillion years I am actually getting laid on a regular basis (hallelujah). Should have been an easy errand to run but YOU decided to trip me up with your surprise Buy One Get One Free Condom Sale. I didn't even know condoms could go on sale! Some less silly people might view this as a good thing, but I am onto you Fate, and your fickle ways. All I wanted was a 12 pack of condoms, but if I participate in this "sale" I walk away with twice as many. I am not superstitious but I KNOW that if I buy 24 condoms I am virtually guaranteed to never get laid again. Break-up, natural disaster, act of god, who knows- but that is just how the universe works.

I stood there, pondering my options:

1. Do the sensible thing and buy the rubbers in bulk. See if I can survive another 18 months without penis action.

2. Pretend the sale doesnt exist and just get my twelver. Stupid idea, seeing as I'm practically broke. Plus it would probably cause a scene at the counter and I really prefer to be discrete in my prophalactic purchasing.

3. Back away slowly. Lame.

Very tricky this time fate. I'm not kidding when I say I stared at that display, deer frozen in the headlights style, for about ten minutes. People were staring at me like I was some kind of safe sex fetishist or something. Finally I settle on a third option, grab my extra thin condoms, grab a random bottle of lube which I really don't even need and make a run for it.

So take that fate! I beat your twisted game AND I got to have sex on Monday night!

I probably need professional help though...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

brilliant and hilarious!