Dear Nursing Coworkers and Pregnant Acquaintances My AGE,

When you openly discuss cracked nipples and sagging boobies, yes, my eyes widen in sheer horror. I didn't know boobies can bleed because of a suckling baby. I also didn't know that electric breast pumps cost the same as my new ipod. Do you think its funny when you remark, "you'll be next" or "soon this will be you?" I've stopped drinking the water at work. I hope pregnancy is not contagious like the plague.

My uterus is on official lock down,
Buddha

P.S. Shameless will you notify my live-in bf.