Dear Me,

You are awesome. Your decision to move from Oklahoma City to Los Angeles was the best decision you ever made. In just 7 months, the people of Hollywood have finally realized your talents and all those years of hard work for low wages in Oklahoma have finally paid off. Not only are you getting paid boucoup bucks (tres cool) but you your work is now going to be seen on national television on a regular basis (tres tres cool). You are a testament to will power, hard work, and dedication. Okay, enough with the self-celebratory rant. Let’s go get some sweet presents for everyone who helped you get here and let them know how much you appreciate them. And drink some beer. Merry Effing Christmas.

Kicking Ass and Taking Names,

PS- That girl you’re dating? She’s money. Cha-ching!

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