Dear VW Jetta,
Fuck you. I thought I was getting a reliable, dependable (and yes, cute) car when I bought you new 6 years ago. But, nooooo. I soon found out what you're really like - needy, high-maintenance, and possibly demonic.
Take for instance, last night. After a relatively uneventful month in which I drove you exactly twice (once to the shop for new ignition coils, an oil change, and a $120 check engine light diagnostic), I thought we were in good shape for a couple weeks. Instead, driving home in a snowstorm, your windshield wipers suddenly stopped, spasmed, and died. What the hell?! Are you trying to kill me? Also, I just had them replaced last year (when they broke during a blizzard, thanks).
I've also been told that your clutch is going, and that your starter doesn't have long. I thought I had already had every part of you replaced, like twice.
How I regret the day you rolled off that assembly line in Mexico, and into my life.
Sack up, Asshole.