Dear Universe,

Oh, good morning! So today is Pick-On-CF Day, huh? Is that what's goin' on here? That's coooooooooooooool. I wake up drunk - not hungover, but DRUNK - and was apparently sleeping in whatever strange Exorcist/contortionist position I landed in when I nosedived onto my bed last night, because my neck hurts like a bitch and is practically immobile. Also, other random places on my body hurt, for no apparent reason whatsoever. Then you decide to make it sleet/hail on me as I walk to work, looking like a fucking idiot in my huge ass sunglasses (because the drab grey clouds of winter are too bright for my hangoverface? WTF??). But it's not enough for me to just be in pain and look mildly like an idiot, is it? Nope. Then you have to make me WIPE the fuck OUT on the escalators, causing me not only to flail like an asshole and provoke multiple pity stares, but also to miss my train, making me even more late to work. AND now that I'm at work I have to go run fucking errands all morning? In the hail? In shoes that are apparently treacherous for walking in such conditions? UGH.

I Need 12342465334454 Advils and Maybe a Beer,
CF