Dear Bitches At The Health Center,

Look, I KNOW I've made a few bad decisions...but god, you're mean! So, I had a few questions about the HPV vaccine. I thought you were fucking healthcare professionals and it was your JOB to answer my inquiries?! No need to be rude because it's almost 4 o'clock and you're all craving cigs and some Taco Bell. Jesus. This is important shit!

Also, Bitcho Nursey, thanks for lightening up by slightly showing a soul after tears welled up in my eyes when you forced me to take a pregnancy test for a drunken slip-up (literally).

Love,
A

P.S. Dear Boyfriend's Penis, My bladder says thanks for the infection.