Dear Static Cling,

Please stop existing....now. Whenever I leave my desk to go down the hall to the copy room/kitchen/other offices (which is basically every 2 seconds), you make my tights/skirt interact and clump up somewhere around my crotchal region. And I look all bunchy and weird. It's really embarassing, and also... I'm kind of terrified of getting a shock to the vag. It doesn't sound fun to me. So, if you could quit it, that'd be great.

Thanks,
CF