Dear ex-boyfriend,

Pretty sure that the phrase "if this keeps going on I'm going to have to break up with you" is ample and direct warning. Stop being a complete douchelord and insisting to our friends that I just "dropped you" out of nowhere to make me look like a bitch. You know you're just mad this bangin' bod is now surrounded by a team full of hot hockey players for me to choose from.

Get off me,
st


P.S. "Getting kicked in the back of the face" is actually impossible, but thanks for reassuring me that if I want intelligent children you're not the right choice.