dear ex-thing,

YOU can go fuck yourself. i LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE how you jerk me around for like, three fucking years. on and off on and off on and off. and our last little fling ended in with "i need space". well, you can have your space with your new high school girlfriend. REAL FUCKING CUTE, dude. but whatevs. i'm not upset at all. you know why? because you're a tool. and you do not groom your nether regions. which is fucking gross. do you know what it's like to try and fellash a big jungle-y mess? its gross and hard and made me wanna kill myself. so do me a favor and tell your new girlfriend to enjoy that bush of yours. also, i cannot befuckinglieve i discovered this on FACEBOOK. you can't call me and be like "hey, im sorry i jerked you around since you were a fetus but i have a girlfriend now." HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF COMMON DECENCY?!?!?! obvs not. whatever.

i hate youuuuuuu,
-j

ps. your girlfriend's new puppy is not cute at all. ive seen WAYYYYYY cuter bulldog puppies. and bulldogs have a shit ton of problems so props on dog research before purchasing a $3000 dog, you dumb bitch.