Dear Spicy Chicken Sandwich,

You were delicious, but the pain you caused me this morning was inexcusable. As if turning in a 20 page paper wasn't bad enough, to be trapped in the library washroom for 20 minutes while you reigned fiery terror upon my asshole was just the icing on the cake. Seriously, it was like Prince Eric vs Malificent the Dragon. As if that wasn't bad enough, I had to walk back to my apartment trailing a tail of fire that would put Haley's Comet to shame. On top of that, I have to have surgery tomorrow.

kthanksbai dignity,
Kevie