Dear Jane,

Teach me your ways. Somehow, you have managed to get not only a single song named about your journal ("The Diary of Jane"), you also have an award winning album devoted to you ("Songs About Jane"), a makeup line, PLUS a magazine bearing your moniker. "Jane" isn't even that special of a name! It makes me think of elderly British ladies sipping tea, not a nubile nymphomaniac as described in Maroon 5's album ("Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat")… you must really get around. I only want to be immortalized in one way; you get fourteen songs, cosmetics, and a publication. Care to share your secrets, girlfriend?

This Love Has Taken It's Toll On Me,
Ace