Dear college dropout I dated,

You were fun in an inhibition-free, I’m not even sure what I am going to be doing in half an hour kind of way… ok, ok it was only fun for about twenty minutes into our first date, you know that part when we ordered food. Why did you take me to a restaurant way out of your price range again? Man that was awkward. It’s super romantic when you order for me and get the cheapest thing on the menu.

And yes, I know you have nothing going on. But must you remind me constantly with texts like “I’m not doing anything today, write back… c u l8er.” And yes, I got the thirteen others you sent that day, before noon.

Good thing when I ended things you told your friends such a believable lie. I wanted to have sex all the time? Really that is the best you can do?

Let’s pick the one that applies best:

A.) If I ever did want to sleep with you, you would be all over it. I’m bangin.
B.) I never wanted to sleep with you.
C.) You don’t have health insurance.
D.) All of the above.

That’s right fucker, the answer is D. At least you still have your GED.
- Disease-Free